The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!
I don’t trip over things, I […]
I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they […]
“If you can’t do something right, call it something different.”
“The tragedy is that so many have ambition and so few have […]
“The purpose of bureaucracy is to compensate for incompetence and lack of […]
A useful list of evaluation comments for that difficult-to-evaluate employee.
“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom…..and has started to dig.”
“His men would follow him anywhere…but only out of morbid curiosity.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“This employee is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.”
“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.” –Murphy’s Law
“Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.” -Mignon McLaughlin
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in […]
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary–it’s the stupid ones that need […]
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, […]
I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of s**t.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to […]
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself […]
As John Wayne said, “Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.” But it’s hardest for smart people who have to deal with […]
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘bout the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ […]
“If you can’t be a good example be […]
“My brain just jack-knifed on your highway of logic” — Wiley Miller
The person in the office next door is not just stranger than you think, they’re stranger than you […]
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you’re abusing […]
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
In the Public Service, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
Buy a stronger whip.
Do nothing: “This is the […]
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a […]