25 Things You Would Love to Say at Work

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of s**t.
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  6. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don’t work here, I’m a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
  10. Ahhhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
  14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I’m not being rude, you’re just insignificant.
  16. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  17. And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be…?
  18. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  19. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  21. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  22. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  23. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
  24. I though I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
  25. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
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